A week in review
What a week we have had in the Bach household!! Sorry it's another long one. If I actually kept up with blogging during the week, you wouldn't have to read such epic novels. But as you'll see...life has been crazy.
I need to start with Tuesday - even if that's not the practical place to start.
Our little Ms. Eleanor started Kindergarten. Watching her become a big sister is an event by itself, but combine it was school and this little girl literally grew up before my eyes. Everything about her seems different. She is a different person to me. (more on that later).
Hold on one second - let me rewind to the previous Wednesday. Upon being discharged from the hospital, we got home just in time to take Eleanor to Open House. I told you I would, no matter what, I was taking my daughter to Open House AND her first day of school. I was discharged just in time! However, about 15 minutes into the Open House I started sweating and feeling shaky. I couldn't even finish some of the paperwork. I needed to leave - Now. I guess going to Open House less than 48 hours after giving birth wasn't the greatest idea ever...but I'm happy we did it. But then I went home and cried (more on that later).
We got a chance to meet the teacher and she gave us some great handouts explaining how life will be for our Kindergartner. I sure hope she keeps this line of communication going all school year, because I really enjoy knowing her expectations and what life will be like in school. It will help Andy and I set some of the same criteria in our house - ensure some consistency and be on the same page as school. One thing I read; however, was that Ms. N would prefer that parents do NOT come into the classroom with the students in the morning. The students should have that independence. Put their backpacks away and get ready for the day on their own. Ms. N would meet the students in the commons and take them to the classroom together for the first few days and then students will do it on their own. Ummmm...WTW? I need to take my baby into school on her first day. But...I don't want to already be that parent, so I guess Eleanor is taking the bus on the first day! THANK GOSH for good, experienced neighbors with children riding the bus too!
So - back to Monday night...On Monday night I think I was more nervous than she was! Was her backpack ready? What was she going to take for lunch? What was she going to wear? Would she know where to go when she got off the bus? Would she know where to go to get on the bus after school to go to day care? Oh the agony!
But Tuesday morning came. I dragged my sleepy body out of bed and ate breakfast with my Kindergartner, while dad made her lunch (I hope he drew little hearts in her sunflower seed butter before putting the other piece of bread on top! :) ) (Andy, just informed me that he didn't do this...BUT...he did draw a heart on the baggie! Dang that's one good Dad!!)
We put Oliver in the Moby and walked up to the bus stop. Oh it reminded me of my days at the bus stop! I mean...provided we stay in our house - and the neighbors stay in their house - these kids will be at this bus stop together for a long time! (Shout out to the kids of Georgetown and the bus stop of Windsor and Bywater!)
So - sleep deprivation got me sidetracked again - When the bus pulled up, Eleanor ran to get on the bus. She never even looked back. I didn't cry. I couldn't. She was just too excited. And I'm not sad. I'm thrilled for her. But if I say it once, I'll say it 100 times. Kindergarten is just a catalyst for what is coming. I'm going to blink and this little girl is going to be wearing high heels, crossing the stage in a cap and gown, graduating high school. My favorite little girl in the entire world. SLOW DOWN Ellie Bean. Just enjoy this time and don't rush to the next moment. I'm SO proud of who she is. I'm SO proud of who she is becoming. But holding my infant son and looking at Eleanor makes me realize how quickly it all goes by. *sniffle*
Let's talk about that infant son...little Oliver.
Oliver has been in our lives for a little under 2 weeks now and I can't imagine life without him.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was a little scared. I mean, I love Eleanor SO much and we have been through SO much together, I just didn't think it was possible to love anyone else. And then when I found out it was a boy, I was even more scared. I don't know anything about boys!! And certainly during my pregnancy I felt love and protection for my little boy. But from the moment I saw him and from the moment I held him - I loved him beyond anything else. I loved them both! My heart just bursts. And to see them together! Eleanor just adores her little brother!
But I'll be honest. These last few days have been tough. Tougher than I remember them being with Eleanor. To talk about post partum depression is a HUGE leap, but it makes you realize just how real it is and how pregnancy hormones can be a crazy roller coaster. The baby blues sunk in and sometimes I found myself just crying uncontrollably.
It started in the hospital. I found myself sobbing in the shower because I was no longer pregnant. Labor Day was over and I really missed certain people that had been such a big part of our delivery. I would never relive that moment again. Did I truly appreciate every moment of my pregnancy? And with the sudden onset of labor, I feel like I never had my "last few days". As I dried off and crawled into bed with Andy, he just held me and let me sob. As I finally stopped crying, I realized I was laying on my stomach. Something I hadn't done since March! So I started crying all over again! It just felt SO good.
My crying episodes continued for several days...I just couldn't believe I wasn't pregnant anymore! And it's so hard to explain because I LOVE having Oliver with us. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But that other stage is over.
Nursing is amazing this time around. My milk came in the Wednesday after he was born and he nurses perfectly. But nursing him means I have to be with him all the time. No one else can take this responsibility on.
So one night while he was fussy and not settling down, Andy came down to check on things. Nothing he could do. Not to mention, Oliver really only seemed to want mom. He was days old and still, as Andy went back upstairs, leaving me alone in the dark night, I couldn't help just crying. I felt like the biggest failure. I was exhausted. I couldn't get my son to sleep. He was always grunting, I think he has gas issues - I even went as far as thinking he was allergic to my milk! I was being a horrible parent to Eleanor because I was just so tired all the time. I felt like I didn't even know who Eleanor was anymore. She felt like a different person to me. She just got SO big. And I couldn't snuggle with her in bed at night because I was always nursing Oliver. I don't know when I showered last.
So Oliver is REALLY gassy. And sometimes he grunts and turns red and balls up. Like it hurts him. I was so worried about him. ARGH! I had 1 5 year old who could communicate pain and hurt to me. Why did I mess everything up? Oliver can't tell me what's wrong. I felt consumed by worry about him! Is everything OK? Then I had a little falling out with our pediatrician...which is a REALLY long story, but it left me in tears on two separate occasions.
And in our "darkest hour" (a bit of a stretch...it wasn't SO bad...I just felt like it) in came...SUPER MOM! My mom came on Thursday night to spend the night with us. My mom, dad, Andy, Oliver and I sat in our family room as I sobbed. I just don't remember it being this way with Eleanor. My mom assured me (and Andy) that it was. She reminded me that one day I called my dad while I was on leave with Eleanor, crying because I just wanted to shower. She reminded me how my dad and I would hang out at Cosco because it was a cold, dark winter and there was nothing else to do. And I HAD to get out of the house. Andy didn't have a reference point for what life was like with infant Eleanor. And we all felt better to hear this.
And Andy and I started to develop a cadence with Oliver's "sleep" schedule. It allowed Andy to really help out and still get enough sleep to function for work. And it allowed me to get a little sleep. And Eleanor wakes me up each morning to take her to the bus. And Mom took the late night shift on Thursday and bounced with Oliver while Andy and I slept.
Then on Friday she helped clean up the house and swooped in to take Oliver when he got fussy. I took a shower AND washed my hair. I went to Target BY MYSELF! We took a walk. She ran to Sendik's and got us lunch. It was SO great to have her here...and guess what - she's coming back next week! I knew there was a good reason why I waited to have another kiddo (for many reasons...) and I think one of them was so my mother could retire and be here for me. Because sometimes...no matter how old you are...all you need is your mom!
And last night Eleanor had a sleep over with her cousins, which allowed Andy and I a night to try and transition Oliver to his nursery without worrying about waking up E. He transitioned well and slept for almost a 3 hour stretch.
So...life with a 12 day old...and a 5 year old. Always interesting. Always a change. And our little routine works now...and Oliver will change it and we'll adjust. One day at a time...
But one thing will remain consistent. This little family of mine...it's a great thing. I'm blessed beyond words. Beyond anything I can explain. And there will be good days...and there will be bad days. But we're a family. And that's all that matters!
I need to start with Tuesday - even if that's not the practical place to start.
Our little Ms. Eleanor started Kindergarten. Watching her become a big sister is an event by itself, but combine it was school and this little girl literally grew up before my eyes. Everything about her seems different. She is a different person to me. (more on that later).
We got a chance to meet the teacher and she gave us some great handouts explaining how life will be for our Kindergartner. I sure hope she keeps this line of communication going all school year, because I really enjoy knowing her expectations and what life will be like in school. It will help Andy and I set some of the same criteria in our house - ensure some consistency and be on the same page as school. One thing I read; however, was that Ms. N would prefer that parents do NOT come into the classroom with the students in the morning. The students should have that independence. Put their backpacks away and get ready for the day on their own. Ms. N would meet the students in the commons and take them to the classroom together for the first few days and then students will do it on their own. Ummmm...WTW? I need to take my baby into school on her first day. But...I don't want to already be that parent, so I guess Eleanor is taking the bus on the first day! THANK GOSH for good, experienced neighbors with children riding the bus too!
But Tuesday morning came. I dragged my sleepy body out of bed and ate breakfast with my Kindergartner, while dad made her lunch (I hope he drew little hearts in her sunflower seed butter before putting the other piece of bread on top! :) ) (Andy, just informed me that he didn't do this...BUT...he did draw a heart on the baggie! Dang that's one good Dad!!)
Oliver has been in our lives for a little under 2 weeks now and I can't imagine life without him.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was a little scared. I mean, I love Eleanor SO much and we have been through SO much together, I just didn't think it was possible to love anyone else. And then when I found out it was a boy, I was even more scared. I don't know anything about boys!! And certainly during my pregnancy I felt love and protection for my little boy. But from the moment I saw him and from the moment I held him - I loved him beyond anything else. I loved them both! My heart just bursts. And to see them together! Eleanor just adores her little brother!
But I'll be honest. These last few days have been tough. Tougher than I remember them being with Eleanor. To talk about post partum depression is a HUGE leap, but it makes you realize just how real it is and how pregnancy hormones can be a crazy roller coaster. The baby blues sunk in and sometimes I found myself just crying uncontrollably.
It started in the hospital. I found myself sobbing in the shower because I was no longer pregnant. Labor Day was over and I really missed certain people that had been such a big part of our delivery. I would never relive that moment again. Did I truly appreciate every moment of my pregnancy? And with the sudden onset of labor, I feel like I never had my "last few days". As I dried off and crawled into bed with Andy, he just held me and let me sob. As I finally stopped crying, I realized I was laying on my stomach. Something I hadn't done since March! So I started crying all over again! It just felt SO good.
My crying episodes continued for several days...I just couldn't believe I wasn't pregnant anymore! And it's so hard to explain because I LOVE having Oliver with us. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But that other stage is over.
As that started to wear off, I realized I hadn't slept in days. Oliver was born at 10:31 PM on a Monday night and I hadn't really had a good stretch of sleep since then. Oliver is a horrible sleeper and nurses almost every 2 hours. Nursing him takes almost 1 hour because he always falls asleep and I need to spend time waking him up. Then I change his diaper to wake him up more. So...I have about every other hour during the day and night. Just call me Bessie the cow!
Nursing is amazing this time around. My milk came in the Wednesday after he was born and he nurses perfectly. But nursing him means I have to be with him all the time. No one else can take this responsibility on.
So one night while he was fussy and not settling down, Andy came down to check on things. Nothing he could do. Not to mention, Oliver really only seemed to want mom. He was days old and still, as Andy went back upstairs, leaving me alone in the dark night, I couldn't help just crying. I felt like the biggest failure. I was exhausted. I couldn't get my son to sleep. He was always grunting, I think he has gas issues - I even went as far as thinking he was allergic to my milk! I was being a horrible parent to Eleanor because I was just so tired all the time. I felt like I didn't even know who Eleanor was anymore. She felt like a different person to me. She just got SO big. And I couldn't snuggle with her in bed at night because I was always nursing Oliver. I don't know when I showered last.
So Oliver is REALLY gassy. And sometimes he grunts and turns red and balls up. Like it hurts him. I was so worried about him. ARGH! I had 1 5 year old who could communicate pain and hurt to me. Why did I mess everything up? Oliver can't tell me what's wrong. I felt consumed by worry about him! Is everything OK? Then I had a little falling out with our pediatrician...which is a REALLY long story, but it left me in tears on two separate occasions.
And in our "darkest hour" (a bit of a stretch...it wasn't SO bad...I just felt like it) in came...SUPER MOM! My mom came on Thursday night to spend the night with us. My mom, dad, Andy, Oliver and I sat in our family room as I sobbed. I just don't remember it being this way with Eleanor. My mom assured me (and Andy) that it was. She reminded me that one day I called my dad while I was on leave with Eleanor, crying because I just wanted to shower. She reminded me how my dad and I would hang out at Cosco because it was a cold, dark winter and there was nothing else to do. And I HAD to get out of the house. Andy didn't have a reference point for what life was like with infant Eleanor. And we all felt better to hear this.
 |
| Really...he's not that great of a sleeper! |
Then on Friday she helped clean up the house and swooped in to take Oliver when he got fussy. I took a shower AND washed my hair. I went to Target BY MYSELF! We took a walk. She ran to Sendik's and got us lunch. It was SO great to have her here...and guess what - she's coming back next week! I knew there was a good reason why I waited to have another kiddo (for many reasons...) and I think one of them was so my mother could retire and be here for me. Because sometimes...no matter how old you are...all you need is your mom!
And last night Eleanor had a sleep over with her cousins, which allowed Andy and I a night to try and transition Oliver to his nursery without worrying about waking up E. He transitioned well and slept for almost a 3 hour stretch.
So...life with a 12 day old...and a 5 year old. Always interesting. Always a change. And our little routine works now...and Oliver will change it and we'll adjust. One day at a time...
But one thing will remain consistent. This little family of mine...it's a great thing. I'm blessed beyond words. Beyond anything I can explain. And there will be good days...and there will be bad days. But we're a family. And that's all that matters!
Comments
Post a Comment